


I'm in exile seein' you out

by reylotrash711



Series: reylotrash711 folklore/evermore collection [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkwardness, Exes, F/M, Heartbreak, Kissing, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Therapy, Romance, Theatre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711
Summary: Months after a painful breakup, Rey and Ben meet again when she is cast in his West End show. As the show progresses, feelings are rekindled, but can things be the same as they were before?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: reylotrash711 folklore/evermore collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084049
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	I'm in exile seein' you out

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 4 of my folklore/evermore collection and today the one-shot is inspired by exile by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. 
> 
> Thank you to [Cecilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/works) for the beta!
> 
> You can learn more about the collection on my Twitter [here.](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fic!

As soon as she stepped into the audition room, he knew the role was hers. Of course, it might as well have been written for her. She was perfect. Her voice was as flawless as it had always been and he believed every word of her monologue. She was very professional, even whilst he acted like a complete fool. 

Jannah agreed with him, and so she was cast as the leading lady. 

At first, the rehearsals weren’t as bad as he thought they’d be. For the first few days, it was simply table reading with the rest of the cast, getting to know the production and the characters and going over any amendments that needed to be made. 

They had barely spoken a word to each other and Ben wasn’t sure whether or not he should be relieved. The two of them had managed to avoid any awkward reactions completely, until of course, just after the final table read. 

The cast and crew had called it a day and he was staying behind to go over the script, staying in the studio was slightly less lonely than being at his apartment. Here he was able to get into the right headspace to work. 

At about nine he decided he had to go home eventually. 

He was in the middle of switching off all the lights and made his way into the smaller studio to do the same when he bumped into someone walking out. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

He looked up to see Rey standing in front of him and he felt everything he had locked up for six months hit him like a train. He’d pushed it away, knowing it would make this whole experience harder if the feelings he knew he still felt for her came into the mix. 

For how could he have ever been expected to get over her?

“Sorry, I was just locking up, if you want to stay that’s okay.”

“No, it’s alright, I should probably head home now anyway,” Rey said quietly, doing that thing she did when she was nervous and hastily tucking a stray hair behind her ear. He used to be the one to do that. He wished he could do it now.

But he’d lost the right to that six months ago.

Ben nodded slowly, “Good, good I guess.” He said with a shrug. 

“Yeah,” Rey said slowly, nodding along with him. “I should be going then.” She gestured to the door.

“Oh yeah, sure, see you tomorrow then.” 

She gave him a small smile that went straight to his heart, “See you tomorrow.” She replied before turning and making her way down the hall to the front door. 

He watched as she walked outside into the night. With it being an autumn night it was very dark, he didn’t like the idea of her travelling across London at this time, it wasn’t exactly friendly out there. 

“Rey, wait!” He called out, rushing out the door and quickly locking it behind him as she stopped and turned. 

“Everything alright?” she said almost begrudgingly.

“Do you need a lift?” He asked hurriedly. 

“Ben, I really don’t think that is a good idea.” 

“Please, Rey, it’s late, I just want to make sure you get home safe.” He explained, his eyes pleading with her. 

With a sigh she caved and together they got into his car, driving off into the night. 

They sat in tense silence as they made their way through the dark streets of London. 

Ben’s hands tightened on the wheel as they reached a red light. He wasn’t sure whether or not he was regretting his decision yet. In his eyes, it’d be a miracle if they made it through the journey without things getting too awkward. 

“Do you want to put something on?” He asked, gesturing to the radio. 

“Sure.” she said simply, her face giving nothing away as she reached forward.

Rey switched it on and began flicking through the channels until she reached a song she was satisfied with. It was Elton John’s Tiny Dancer that came through the speakers. A small smile quirked Ben’s lips, “You love this song.” He said after a few moments of Rey humming along.

She nodded, “Yeah, it’s a classic.”

“Yeah, it is.” He agreed, “Do you still sing it at the top of your lungs at ungodly hours of the morning?”

Rey chuckled, “Of course.”

“So the neighbours still hate you?”

“Oh, for sure.”

They laughed together and for a moment it felt like old times. For a brief wonderful moment, it was like nothing had ever come between them. It made his heart ache.

It was harder than he thought it would be to pull up outside their old apartment and not take off his seatbelt to get out with her. He looked up at the building, remembering the day they had moved in, it was their first home together. It had been a blazing hot day and most of it had been spent lugging heavy boxes up several flights of stairs. It had been exhausting and so much work, but in the end, it had most certainly been worth it. 

“Here we are,” Rey said quietly, reaching to unclip her seatbelt but not moving to open the door. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, turning back to him, “Thank you, for this.” She said, gesturing to the car, “And for offering me the role too, I appreciate it.”

Ben shrugged, “I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, you’re perfect for the role, it would be a crime to give it to anyone else.” He said with a small chuckle.

That bright smile that he loved so much quirked her lips and he contemplated how easy it would be to lean over and kiss her. For a moment he was lost in the thought as he subtly shifted in his seat, turning towards her. Rey’s smile faded and her gaze seemed to drop, right to his lips. 

The pair slowly came to their senses, blinking a few times before they sank back into their seats as Rey awkwardly cleared her throat, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She said, her hand resting on the door handle. 

Ben nodded, “Of course, see you tomorrow, Rey.”

“Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Rey.” 

He watched as she left, making her way into the building, waving at him before she headed inside. As he drove away, his mind wandered and part of him wanted to do a u-turn and drive back, knock on her door and plead for her to take him back. It wasn’t the first time he had considered it. 

—

After that, things got a little easier. Rehearsals went smoothly and Ben liked to think that they were able to communicate and work together really well.

Each morning he entered the studio and she’d be there early, rehearsing lines either with one of her costars who had arrived or by herself if he was the second person in. She’d offer him a warm smile, greet him and turn back to her work. He did the same, trying to keep his focus on the play and not his leading lady. 

It was a pitiful attempt, of course. He watched her as the scenes were rehearsed. He watched as she delivered her lines beautifully and for the most part, perfectly. 

As the weeks passed, the cast and crew were growing confident that the show would be a success and Ben couldn’t help but feel excited for opening night. The dance numbers had been practised to perfection, each singer sounded like an angel and the actors had been off script for a while now. 

There was one slight hiccup, one that Ben really didn’t want to address for it was his least favourite scene in the entirety of the production and he tried his best to avoid it as much as was physically possible. He made sure in run-throughs to have his mind elsewhere and begrudgingly leave comments every now and then. He knew it was petty of him, but in his defense, it was very painful to watch.

The kiss scene.

The scene where Rey stood on the stage with her co-star (who just so happened to be Armitage Hux, a royal pain in his arse) and kissed him as they declared their love. 

Tonight was one of the final dress rehearsals and Ben was sitting in agony as he watched Rey and Hux awkwardly make their way across the stage to each other, their actions uncomfortable as they moved into the kiss. 

“Stop!” He called out, rising to his feet as everyone turned and stared at him, “This isn’t working.” He announced, moving up to the stage, script in his grasp. 

“Is something wrong?” Hux asked.

“Yes, something’s wrong! It’s awkward and stilted and uncomfortable, your characters love each other for god’s sake, they aren’t strangers.” He explained. 

Hux gave him a look of cold disdain, obviously taking it as an insult to his acting abilities. _Good_ , Ben thought, _he’s crap_. 

Rey, on the other hand, nodded in agreement, “I think so too, he has a very valid point, Hux, this is the characters’ final kiss, it is something extraordinary after everything they have been through.” She said.

“Yes! Exactly!” Ben said in agreement, “Try it again, this time with more… affection.”

He stepped back as Rey and Hux retreated to opposite sides of the stage. They delivered their lines, approaching each other and moving into the embrace, leaning forward to kiss as Ben’s fists clenched. 

“No, no no no.” Ben said stepping forward, “Allow me to show you.”

Hux dutifully stepped back, glaring in Ben’s direction. “Rey, if you wouldn’t mind starting from your line,” Ben said as he walked to Hux’s position. 

When he turned and saw Rey standing opposite him, his heart jumped. What part of this was a good idea?

As Rey delivered her line, he walked slowly across the stage towards her. “You are enchanted by her.” He narrated, “You can’t believe she is here before you, everything has finally fallen into place.” He stopped a mere metre from Rey, his hands reaching out and stroking hers as their fingers entwined, “And the world makes sense again.” 

Reaching up, he tucks a loose strand of hair behind Rey’s ears, “You love her, most ardently, she is your light in the darkness.” Ben said, speaking softly as his eyes met Rey’s, her gaze pouring into his as he leant forward, their foreheads resting against each other as their eyes fluttered closed. “She is everything to you, and in this moment, she is all you can see, all you can hear and all you can feel.”

His hand drifted to her cheek, tilting her face up to look into his eyes. “And, just as the lights dim and it is just the two of you, you kiss her, because you have longed to do so for longer than you are willing to admit.” 

The theatre fell silent as Rey and Ben gazed into each other’s souls, Rey’s hands moving to clutch his shoulders as their lips remained inches apart, their breaths mingling as the pair released shaking breaths and their hearts pounded furiously in their chests. “And it’s a wonderful kiss, full of adoration and hope.” Ben continued, his voice now a whisper, “And when you draw away, you see the most beautiful woman in the world.”

With that, he slowly stepped away, breathing heavily as he picked up his script, “Run it again.” He instructed with a wave of his hand as he made a beeline for the door, “I will be back in a moment.” 

Pushing open the door, he marched into the deserted hallway, slamming it shut behind him. He walked with clenched fists a few paces down the hall before leaning back against the white wall and sinking down to the floor, sitting awkwardly hunched with bent knees, his head tipped back against the wall. 

He had the urge to scream, to punch something to channel his frustration. 

He had been so close. 

Maybe if there hadn’t been so many people, he would’ve closed the space between them and kissed her, whispering a dozen apologies against her lips as he held onto her, afraid to let her go again. 

But he’d seen this film before and didn’t like the ending. He knew how things would go were they to try again. She’d exiled him, and most likely any feelings that remained. 

He felt like a fool as a stray tear escaped his eye. Brushing it away he scolded himself, there was no amount of crying he could do that would make things better. They had always walked a very thin line, their relationship on strings with their arguments that became explosive and their opposite opinions on what felt like everything. 

It hadn’t been all bad of course, a lot of it as good. 

But when they were together, it was hard to see when their anger and upset eclipsed everything else. She had always been too good for him and he had always been a train wreck. He couldn’t blame her for ending things, he often wondered why she hadn’t done it sooner. 

—

He stayed late that night, moving around backstage and doing anything that would keep his mind from drifting. 

He went through props and costumes, going through a list on his phone and sending off various emails inquiring after various hats or baseball bats that weren’t in their designated boxes. 

When he made his way to the stage to go over the set, _she_ was there. 

Panicking, he turned on his heel to leave, to escape hopefully without being spotted. 

But, the universe hated him and she called out to him, “Ben?” He turned slowly, taking in her small smile as she walked towards him, “I didn’t realise you were still here.” She commented. 

“Oh yeah, yeah.” Ben said hastily, looking around for an excuse and his eyes landing on two boxes of costumes, “Just taking these back to the costume cupboard.” He gestured to them awkwardly. 

“I can help you,” Rey said, picking up a box. 

He nodded slowly, “Sure.” He said, picking up a second before making his way beside her in the direction of the costume cupboard. 

They walked in silence until they reached the costume cupboard. 

“Where do you want these?” Rey asked. 

“Oh, just put them up there,” Ben said, pointing to one of the shelves as he put his own box away. He turned to see her on her tiptoes, struggling to reach. “Oh, sorry, let me.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ve got it.”

“I insist.”

“It’s fine I can do it!”

“You can’t, just let me do it!”

“Oh, for christ sake’s, Ben, move out the way, I can manage just fine!” With that, he backed away and watched as she stepped onto a nearby box before putting it on the shelf herself, a scowl across her face as she hopped back down. “Goodnight.” She said bitterly before making her way back to the door. 

“Thanks for the help.” He mumbled, watching as she unlatched the door to leave, “No, wait, Rey don’t!”

Too late. The door slammed shut, the sound of the lock clicking filling their ears as they both let out frustrated groans. They both knew what this meant. With the door only opening from the outside, it meant they were locked inside… together.

Moving forward and gently pushing passed her, he grabbed the handle, lifting it up and down and pushing his shoulder against the door in a pitiful attempt to open it. “That’s not going to work,” Rey said with a sigh, sitting down on one of the boxes. 

Ignoring her, Ben continued to push against the door, “Come on!” He exclaimed angrily, punching the door before cursing as he shook out his hand.

“Hey, don’t do that.” Rey said, leaping to her feet and rushing to him, taking his now bruised hand into her own, “Please, don’t do that.” She repeated, her fingers stroking his knuckles. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled. Looking down at her as she stepped closer, still holding onto his hands. 

“I wish you’d stop hurting yourself.” She whispered.

“I’m trying.” He responded quietly.

Rey sighed, looking down at his fists before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to them. Inhaling sharply, Ben pulled away, “Don’t do that.” He breathed, there was no malice or spite in his voice, just the underlying sadness that had been following him since they had parted. 

“Sorry.” She said, pulling her hands away and moving to the door. 

“Don’t be.” Rey tried the door handle herself, copying his technique of pushing her shoulder against. “I thought you said that wasn’t going to work,” Ben commented, to which he received a roll of the eyes as Rey sat back down on her chosen box.

“Just checking.” 

Following her, Ben perched himself on a box opposite her, looking down at his fist. He winced as he drew his fingers over the knuckles. “Fuck.” He breathed. 

Rey got back on her feet, reaching up to the boxes and scanning through, “There must be something here.” She threw over her shoulder. “Aha!” She exclaimed, her hands landing on a first aid box tucked behind a box of hats. Sitting back down, she opened it up to reveal bandages, a few different creams, some plasters and some cleaning wipes. 

Resting it on her knees, she opened the cleaning wipes first and gestured for him to offer her his hand. He complied, and Rey began to clean the wound, wiping away the few specks of blood from his knuckles, the grazes on them stinging as she did so. He was used to it at this point, this wasn’t the first time she had sat him down with a first aid box.

“Are you still talking to Maz?” Rey asked as she finished cleaning the wounds.

Ben nodded, “Every Friday.” He answered. 

“Good.”

“She asked about you.” Rey looked up at him, an intrigued expression on her face, “She told me to say hi, although I couldn’t really figure out a way to tell you that.”

Rey chuckled, shaking her head, “Oh Ben, you haven’t changed at all, have you? Still the social awkward puppy dog I met all those years ago.”

“Hey!” Ben exclaimed in mock-outrage, “It’s called social anxiety and it is _not_ my fault.” 

Unrolling the bandages, Rey spoke, “Uh-huh, but one of the reasons you talk to Maz is to get better at the whole talking to other human beings thing.” 

“I am getting better,” Ben argued, “I promise, I am really trying now, Rey.”

She looked down at his fist as she began to bandage it but he caught the smile that quirked her lips, “I know, and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.” She finished tying off the bandage and raised his hands, most likely to kiss it like she used to. But after his earlier outburst, he watched her consider it before lowering it and moving to tidy the box away and returning it to the shelf. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

Rey simply nodded, “No worries, just give it time to heal and either redress it or just take it off, you should be fine.”

For a few moments, neither spoke, both at a loss for what they could say until an idea popped into Ben’s head. “I don’t suppose you have your phone?” Ben asked. 

Rey shook her head, “It’s in my bag, if I did I would’ve used it by now.”

Ben groaned, “I guess all we can do is hope that the cleaner notices the light on and decides to investigate, otherwise I have a feeling we could be here a while.” 

Silence fell upon them as they sat in the tiny room. Conversation had always been easy between them, right from the day they had first met. When they had first become friends they had met several times at parties hosted by their mutual friend, Poe Dameron. Neither of them really liked big parties with lots of people so they would spend most of the time in each other’s company, talking about anything and everything. This hadn’t changed when they started dating or when they had moved in together. And when they weren’t talking they were happy enough just to sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company as they read or curled up on the sofa together with a mindless game show playing on the telly. It hadn’t been like it was now, cold and uncomfortable with the weight of what had happened earlier on both of their shoulders. 

It was Rey who decided to bring it up.

“Thank you for your advice earlier, the scene was starting to feel impossible.” 

Ben shrugged, “It’s my job I suppose, and it wasn’t your fault, it was Hux being useless.”

Rey chuckled, shaking her head, “And that’s coming from the person who cast him.” 

“Okay fine, he was the least useless in a crowd of useless actors.”

They both laughed at that. “Well, you certainly taught him a thing or two, we rehearsed it twice before everyone went home for the evening.” Rey continued. 

Ben swallowed awkwardly as he nodded along, “Great, should be perfect by Friday then.”

Rey nodded, “I’m sure it will be.” 

He looked up at her, meeting her gaze as the soft lights of the cupboard bathed her face in oranges that made her eyes seem to twinkle. She leaned forward slightly and he could hear her breath hitch in her throat as they found themselves just as close as they had been on the stage. 

There was no one here now. It was just them. Alone.

Reaching out, Ben cupped her cheek, tucking that same stray hair behind her ear as she moved increasingly closer to him, her lips a breath away from his own. 

Just as he was about to close the space between them, the door swung open. 

“Oh I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” Asked the cleaner who had stumbled upon them. 

Ben jumped to his feet, shaking his head, “No, not at all, we got locked in.” He explained, moving out the door.

“Thank you,” Rey said to the cleaner as she followed him out. 

Before she could speak a word to him, Ben turned on his heel and walked quickly away, he wasn’t ready to face this. As he drove home through the dark streets of London, he couldn’t help but think about if they had been found five minutes later…

—

The show opened without a hitch and Ben watched from the wings with a look of pride on his face for the entirety of the show. 

Considering he had directed it he did have a seat empty and waiting for him in one of the boxes but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the stage. 

He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed his job sometimes, seeing everything fall into place and hear the applause and laughter from the audience as the story he had orchestrated unfolded. For the most part, he stayed away from the cast and crew as they moved about backstage, preparing for costume changes and cues. 

But as he heard the familiar opening notes of Rey’s solo, he found himself moving closer to the stage, hiding behind the curtains as she took her place in the centre of the stage and began to sing. 

He was enraptured, just as he had been at her audition and the countless other times he had seen her perform. 

The song was a romantic one, a melody sent out to her character’s love. But as Rey turned and her eyes met his, he felt every word pour directly into his heart. From the look in her eyes, he could tell that she felt it too. 

Ben turned away, rubbing the back of his neck and letting out a quiet sigh before retreating to his box and the seat he had been saved to watch the rest of the show. 

He went to the bathroom during the kiss scene. He placed his hands and looked into the mirror as tears ran down his cheeks and he once again mourned her. 

The audience was standing during the curtain call, clapping and cheering. Ben did the same, politely clapping before making his way to the stage where he moved around congratulating everyone, hugging many of them as they celebrated their success. 

The cast moved back to their dressing rooms and the crew set about putting a few things away ready for the next performance the following evening. Ben was about to make his way to the after-party where he knew his parents would be waiting when he turned only to see Rey standing with a bunch of flowers in her arms. 

She was still in costume and he was speechless as he truly took in the makeup and hair for the first time. He had seen her in rehearsals, he had approved the costumes but only now in the sparkling lights of the stage, did she really draw him in. 

“You-you were amazing tonight.” He blurted out, “And you look wonderful.” 

Rey smiled, “All thanks to you, this would never have happened if it weren’t for you.” She pointed out, “You were amazing too, Ben.” He found himself smiling, a blush rising in his cheeks as he approached her. “Walk me back to my dressing room?” She suggested.

Ben nodded and together they walked behind the stage, moving down the short corridor. “The dance numbers were incredible, I was fortunate to be able to watch from the wings when I wasn’t in the midst of one,” Rey commented as she stepped inside her dressing room, laying the flowers down on her dressing table. 

“Yes, I am very thankful that no one fell over,” Ben said with a nervous laugh before following her into the room, the door closing behind him and causing him to jump slightly. “And you performed your solo brilliantly, it was perfect.”

“Thank you,”

“Really, you were incredible.” His voice faltered as he realised how close they were, once again they had found themselves gazing into each other’s eyes, both speechless. 

“Ben I-“

“Rey-“

They laughed, shaking their heads, Rey’s hair coming loose from the elaborate updo the stylist had put together. Her hand reached up to tuck it behind her ear but he stopped her, his hand brushing her own as he did it for her, his finger trailing from her ear along her chin, tilting her face to look at him. 

“Ben.” She breathed, inching closer to him. 

He expected someone to burst through the door, for there to be another interruption. 

But no one came. And he was startled as Rey’s lips found his own.

It was a desperate kiss, one full of longing and the feels he had tried his best to lock away and forget. Her hands were in his hair as she pulled him close, kissing him within an inch of his life. He felt as though he were drowning and she was the only oxygen within his reach. He’d waited so long, his heart felt full again and the life within him had been restored after dwindling for so long. 

His own hands found her waist and he held her in his arms. Happiness washed over him, he felt complete again, everything was going to be okay.

Until she abruptly pulled away with tears in her eyes. 

“Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” Ben asked, falling back into his old ways when he was her boyfriend as he reached for her.

“I’m sorry.” Rey croaked, her voice hoarse as she spoke, “I’m sorry, I can’t, we can’t.” Ben was lost for words, standing idly as Rey shook her head, “We can’t go through this again, Ben, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t give up on us.” He pleaded, “We can try again, I’ll do better, I swear it.”

“That’s not the point, Ben.” She explained tearfully, “This path will only end in pain for the both of us, just as it did before.”

He moved forward, looking down at her with plaintive eyes, “Then tell me that kiss meant nothing and walk away. My feelings have not changed, I have loved you ever since I first met you and breaking up with you didn’t change that. Rey, you complete me, you inspire me to do better and without you, I wouldn’t have tried again or worked harder. I know I am far from the man you deserve, but let me try again and I can be that man. We are better together, and if I have realised anything over the last six months it’s that losing all the good stuff because of the bad stuff isn’t worth it. Let me love you again, Rey, we can take it slow, as slow as you need. Just please, give me another chance.” 

“I’m sorry, Ben.” She moved past him, resting her hand on the door handle before turning back one final time, “You did everything right, Ben, I am so proud of you. But I don’t want to cause either of us any more pain.”

With that, she stepped out and closed the door behind her, leaving him alone in the dressing room.

**Author's Note:**

> The second part of the story will be posted in my fic inspired by 'tis the damn season, you can check me out on Twitter for regular updates [here.](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711)
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic please consider leaving comments and kudos, it'd mean a lot to me x


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